So it's been a while since i have had anything of interest to put on paper. Today is no different to be honest, just felt like writing. Christmas is fast approaching, and I am not able to even try to forget that with 3 kids whom are keeping very keen eyes on the calender. I was able to get all of our shopping done, aside from stocking stuffers and friends, by the 3rd of December. I say that I am going to beat the rush every year and this is the first year that I have been successful. I will not be part of the chaos and anger that surrounds Christmas when people wait until the last minute to do the shopping. I have been a part of that, or rather a victim of it, and I refuse to do it again. 

It makes me sad to see that Christmas has become nothing more than a super commercialized holiday that creates anger and frustration. I will be the first to admit that I am not a religious girl. Nor do we teach our children the real "reason" behind Christmas. We do however stress to them that it isnt all about gifts, its about being with those that we love and enjoying time as a family. We do exchange gifts and yes I do tend to go overboard, but our girls understand at least on some level that the things they have are not a necessity, but a luxury afforded to them because their parents work hard. What happened to the Christmases of my youth? The magic and wonder of it all? Is it because I no longer see Christmas through the eyes of a child? That its just a whole bunch of work for me now? Scott and I still exchange gifts and the adults still get gifts but its just not the same. For a long time i said that i didnt even like christmas, and to some extent i still feel that way. I have this year been trying to see things from my youngest daughter's POV. Shes 6 and still sees the magic that is christmas. the twinkling lights and television specials. She loves it all. I try very hard not to get all hum bug-y around her. I do enjoy watching her and seeing the innocence that she still has. It will be a sad day in the Roberts house when she has grown past the innocence stage. Ill miss it very much. 

Here's hoping that everyone has a very MERRY CHRISTMAS or whatever holiday that you call yours, and may we all try to find a spark of that magic that we knew as a child.

You like me, you really like me

I have recently started taking the advice of some of my friends who have been telling me that I need to take my writing and put it out there for others to enjoy too. And let me just say, its so satisfying to see that my things are actually being read! *does happy dance in chair* Its and amazing feeling being noticed and liked. Liked is the best part. I have always loved to write. My brothers used to make fun of me for always writing something. Im not going to say that I am amazing or that I deserve to be published but Im beginning to think that there might be something there.

I started using a site for amateur writers to post their short stories and such and its my goal to pub one chapter per week. I have a feeling that it might be less of a short story and more of a novelette in the end. But that's ok. I am in the process of looking into PubIt for the Nook. one would think that books that are self published would be boring or badly written, and i thought the same thing, but....Im reading a book right now by a self published author and its AMAZING!!! The book is called The Blood That Bonds by Christopher Buecheler. Its paranormal romance (my fav genre) with a bit of grit thrown in there. Im officially in love with the characters and cant wait to buy the 2nd book in the series. Genius marketing too. The first book is a freebie, thats why i took a shot on it. But the second book is $2.99....smart....get em hooked then take their money lol. I could compare these books to drugs and the author the dealer. Give them a free taste then they will come back willing to pay anything for more.

Anyway, I think i might be interested in pubbing my own stuff....but not sure at this point. For those of you who would read it, ill keep you posted.

The Dating Years

My heart is breaking. It is so hard for me to see my daughter go through the dating years. A teenage girl's heart is something so fragile that it breaks with the lightest of touches. I wish that she never had to experience these same heartbreaks that women have been experiencing for years. I wish i could take the hurt away, when she feels rejected. 
Yesterday she was on top of the world because the boy she liked, liked her back,and today she "hates" him because he wants his old gf back. 
How do I as her mom just let this happen to her? I want to find that little punk and tell him that he has to stop playing with girls' hearts. Doesn't he know how fragile the self esteem and psyche of a teenage girl is? what is wrong with him? 
She is a good girl and she doesn't deserve to be hurt this way.
But alas, it is the way of life. We have all gone through it. It is not the first for her nor will it be the last. I want to hug her close to me and shield her from the ugliness of the world. But that wont do any good. it will protect her yes, but will it prepare her for life? no. Mom will not always be there to protect her from stupid boys or mean bosses or just average people.
It will get better, i know. but i still have 2 other daughters to go through before it does. Ugh.

A trip on the Ego train anyone?

So yesterday, I had my ego inflated by my English professor. This, to the average, might not seem like a big deal.  I suppose that Im not the average person. I wrote a paper for the class, granted I received help in form of critiques and some added sensory impressions from a very close friend who is also very articulate, so I don't take full credit for the paper. Anyhow I got the highest score possible on it and I was totally stoked. Writing is something that I have always done, or so it seems. I have loved it for a loooong time. I seem to be sensing a trend with the creative outlets that I am getting "into" lately. But that's another post. i asked my professor for a critique based on his being an expert and all, I wanted to see where I needed to become stronger and where I was good. He basically told me that it was indeed a very good paper and that I was a talented writer, OK not his exact words, but that's why i heard lol. He gave me some recommendations as far as authors to read so that I might study technique and some ideas for the future. I would like to break into freelance writing, not technical stuff  so much, but short stories, novelettes and the like. I would like to be able to write at length about something that I am interested in, as opposed to a topic chosen for me by someone like an editor. It honestly is a dream of mine to have something published in a known publication, if for no other reason than to see my name in print and know that somewhere, someone will be reading it and enjoy it....whatever IT is. The conversation went on for a bit and he gave me a bit of advice " Don't do it. Take the time to write simply because you love it. Ive been a pro writer for years and recently realized how much I have gotten away from writing just for the love of writing. " also " Don't be in a hurry, take the time to write something each day, even if it is just a page." I mentioned that I have received compliments on my writing and that it is something that I should pursue. The response that I received was the key to my all day elation....." I agree, you should." Was all that was needed for my soul to soar and my ego to inflate almost too big to fit in my body. Everyone likes to know that they matter, or have it recognized that there is talent there. So in light of Professor Kleinman's comments, and taking all things into consideration, I am going to do just as he told me to. I am going to write a bit each day on here....possible in another blog to which I will post the address of if needed. I'm going to begin a story and keep adding to it each day, until I see it fit to end it. It may never be read, or recognized as anything more than the babblings of a random "wanna be published" woman, but I will know that my words are out there, and that is all I can do. Get my words out of my brain. Look out world, Im opening up my brain, and one never knows what might come pouring out!

Eurkeka!!!!

So here I am again, and this time I figured out the crisis i was going through. I am going to keep going to school as I am, and teach myself with the aide of amazing websites, books and amazingly talented friends to do what i LOVE. Just call me an apprentice! I have already learned a ton from a couple of awesome websites that I was able to find with the help of my loving and oh so understanding husband, and a little thing i like to call Google. I took so smashing shots the other day and though they aren't professional quality just yet, they will be with practice and some better lenses. Right now, I am working with just regular amateur lenses, which incidentally is perfect since im an amateur. I am going to take some time this weekend after the two soccer games and whatever other thing that we have going on to go out into the world and start snapping. Im not sure what sort of photographer I want to be, but I am leaning toward portrait, and possibly boudoir eventually. I under no circumstances will ever ever be a wedding photographer. I see what the owner and founder of http://yourlifephoto.blogspot.com/ Stacey Salerno goes through, she just happens to be one of my very best friends (total name drop right there) and she goes through so much stress, its not at all something that I would ever want to deal with. I would shoot second at a wedding, but never lead. I have loved photography since, what seems like forever, so I am determined to do this. I am going to start out small once i get the talent needed to do photos. I had such a blast doing the team photos this season, so I think that Im going to put my name on the list as a photographer for Parks and Rec, and use that to hone my skills a bit. 
I know i can do this, just going to take time and patience, which i have none of. 
I do find myself feeling a bit jealous of my photographer friends though, if we are being honest. But, not in an " I wish they would stop being successful" kinda way. I just wish that I had been able to realize my dream as a younger person like they did. 
I also sit back and learn from their stresses and see how they correct them, so when it comes time for me to hop in the game, thanks to them, i will be better able to cope with the inner workings of the profession than I normally would. 
The other aspect of my being able to improve my ability is having enough money to get the equipment that is needed. That is a whoooole other thing entirely. So if there is anyone out there who is selling camera lenses for Nikon, lemme know! 
Ill get there, eventually :) I just have to have faith in self and in the plan that the world has for me i guess.

What do I wanna do when i grow up?

Listen, I have always thought of myself as a bit of a planner. I like to have all aspects in order to make sure that they go smoothly. For most things that is. Sometimes flying by the seat of one's pants can be an adventure, meandering through life just taking things as they come. There is a sense of freedom to it. But, when it comes to the big decisions most people, ok well most responsible people like to think ahead and at least have an idea of what they want to do.
I am in school, as mentioned before. I chose to persue the Human Services avenue simply because it is job security. There are always people who are in need of help in some form or another, so that seemed like the best way to go. That is sooooo not what i want to do. I want to do something creative, I want to do something that I can smile doing.


I recently did a few photos for my girls' soccer teams' and i realized that i loved it. I have really enjoyed being behind a camera for many years. It has been a hobby since i was probably about 12 yrs old. Of course the thoughts have entered my mind " what if i could get a job being a photographer?" and " man i would love to start my own business doing this thing that i love". Sadly i never thought i was good enough. I have a friend whom is an amazing photographer, and I see how stressful it is for her. She never has a guarantee of income and some clients can be nightmares to deal with. On top of all that....it is a very expensive en devour to undertake.
I am pretty ok behind a camera, when the camera is doing the work for me, ie on the auto setting. My husband, the amazing person he is, has tried to show my how the different settings work, but things just dont seem to click. Pardon the pun. Then i realized, that i could change my major to photography in school. i could go to school and have someone teach me how things work. I have the artistic aspect down pretty good, just the mechanics that fail me.
So this brings me to my current dilemma.


Do i keep going to school for something that im not really interested in knowing that it will pay the bills, or do i change my major to something that i really love knowing that it is going to be sporadic at best, at least in the first couple years? I think i know the answer, but i dont trust myself to make it alone. I know in my heart that i should do what i am passionate about, but Im so afraid that that will make me selfish. As an adult with people whom depend on me, is it ok to just throw caution to the wind and do what i want to do rather than what i should?
I got the answer to that last night when i breached the subject to my husband. He sighed. That was it, just sighed. I suppose that ill keep on going in the direction that i am going and teach myself how to do what i want to do. Maybe pick up a few classes here and there to learn as much as i can. It can still be done as a "side gig": when im working in the job that i hate and find dissatisfying. After all THAT has become the American way.

Better Myself one headache at a time

I thought it would be a great idea to go back to school and begin working on my second degree. Since, though obscenely expensive, my first degree is pretty much as valuable as toilet paper to a bear. So I did all that I needed to do, and was excited to start bettering myself....again.
I was nervous about being the old lady in the classes, im 32 so while not actually old i am older than most of my classmates. To my surprise, I wasnt the old lady, but the average lady in a couple of my classes. which was a relief to me.


Oh and that brings me to my classes. I am wasting my time in a class that i have taken 2 times prior, and actually loving it. English has always been my favorite thing to study, so when i started this class i was looking forward to writing papers and reading alot. Funny enough, there really hasnt been much reading to be done. We do however, write our asses off. Its insane the amount of paper that we go through for this class. I only hope that when i am done, i am a better writer than i was when i went in. I used to be pretty cocky about my ability to write a good paper, both fiction and informative, but now i am begining to doubt my talent.


I have read some papers, this sememster that have blown me away. For some reason people seem to come to me for opinions on their stuff. I am flattered in most cases, but often wonder "Why me?"
I do love to read them, and pretty much any other fiction you put in front of me, so I am always eager to dive in and help them out. I would ideally love to go into a field of work that allows me to read for a living, or even write. However, writing is more stressful, and as a self proclaimed lazy chick, im not sure that would be what would make me happy.
I have thought about checking out online magazines to see if they are in need of freelance writers.
I am gaining experience as we speak by being part of the staff that writes and creates the online SL based mag called OhBoi. Although, sometimes i wonder if Im in the right place. I began working there thinking that i would make a difference, but just ended up doing layouts for articles about things that have nothing to do with the mag's genre. Oh well....experience is experience....right?